Statement of Ann Eaton 8th - 13th September 1985

[Alias]

I absolutely agree with the new discovery that babies remember.  My eldest daughter was very, very young when we adopted her but also very alert.  She was a total nightmare for about a year she screamed and screamed and never slept, I swear she was missing her Mum. 

Awww, poor little thing. I bet she was lucky to get you for a mom though.
My half sister adopted two children from another country, the first one,  a boy, six months old, was so very easy to deal with even though he came from an orphanage. He was alert with good eye comtact and a ready, genuine smile. He is doing very well, and is well liked too everywhere he goes. Then they adopted a girl, but there were some bureaucratic problems, so she had turned two years old when they finally got her. It was a different experience altogether. She couldn´t smile, but rather she mimicked the smiles she got - she had to learn such a basic thing. That poor girl had a set of difficulties to deal with. She is doing OK now, they are very loving parents. She has a couple of talents though: she sings and dances sooooo well! They are both precious children.
Sorry, got carried away.

[lookout]

Indeed lookout, Julie was a criminal, lots of young people experiment with drugs and rebel but Julie certainly went for it, she had quite a list of achievements by the time the police needed to clean her up so as to be an acceptable witness.

Totally unacceptable,Maggie,,and if the police couldn't see through her for what she was,,,it's no wonder they can't solve crimes properly and at times get the wrong ones.

[susan]

Maggie I agree with you about Alias the best gift you can have is to try and see good in other people.  What a sad/lovely story Alias about the two adopted children.  well done to your half sister.

[Jane]

Julie had no choice but to change and alter her ways,,because she too would have been on a downward spiral of crime and would have had no compunction in blaming Jeremy.
She was your typical manipulative and cunning individual.

Lookout, hi. I believe we all have room to change, but only within the parameters of our own personality type. So she would perhaps stop being mouthy and bossy and hone her skills of manipulation so that her determination to achieve her aims wasn't as obvious. The element of surprise generally being more successful than the overt advertizing of intentions.

[Jane]

Awww, poor little thing. I bet she was lucky to get you for a mom though.
My half sister adopted two children from another country, the first one,  a boy, six months old, was so very easy to deal with even though he came from an orphanage. He was alert with good eye comtact and a ready, genuine smile. He is doing very well, and is well liked too everywhere he goes. Then they adopted a girl, but there were some bureaucratic problems, so she had turned two years old when they finally got her. It was a different experience altogether. She couldn´t smile, but rather she mimicked the smiles she got - she had to learn such a basic thing. That poor girl had a set of difficulties to deal with. She is doing OK now, they are very loving parents. She has a couple of talents though: she sings and dances sooooo well! They are both precious children.
Sorry, got carried away.

Alias hello. I'm so sorry that I left you off Steve's "Posters I should apologize to" list. What a wonderful story about your half sister's children. It's so good to know that after such a shakey start they now have a loving family.

[killingeve]

I absolutely agree with the new discovery that babies remember.  My eldest daughter was very, very young when we adopted her but also very alert.  She was a total nightmare for about a year she screamed and screamed and never slept, I swear she was missing her Mum. 

Yes Maggie I think babies remember.  According to my parents (adoptive) I was a perfect baby and very rarely cried  .  A crying baby could be caused by loads of things not necessarily missing the birth mother.  I know you have a penchant for all things from the West country - were you reading her poems by Pam Ayres?  If you were then the crying would be perfectly understandable.  Is her adoptive father a Morris dancer?  If so I guess that wouldn't help either?

Anyway in Sheila's case I think it was June's mental illness circa 1959 which was the root cause of Sheila's problems.  You will note in the video clip that circa 3.30 in neglect is deemed to be a particularly  important contributory factor in the development of an attachment disorder.  Whatever the cause of June's mental illness circa 1959 we have no idea of what went on, or didn't go on, in the lead up to her admission to hospital.  Colin's book states that Sheila recalled being left alone in a pram in the garden crying for hours.  So there was possibly severe neglect and then an absence. 

[Jane]

Yes Maggie I think babies remember.  According to my parents (adoptive) I was a perfect baby and very rarely cried  .  A crying baby could be caused by loads of things not necessarily missing the birth mother.  I know you have a penchant for all things from the West country - were you reading her poems by Pam Ayres?  If you were then the crying would be perfectly understandable.  Is her adoptive father a Morris dancer?  If so I guess that wouldn't help either?

Anyway in Sheila's case I think it was June's mental illness circa 1959 which was the root cause of Sheila's problems.  You will note in the video clip that circa 3.30 in neglect is deemed to be a particularly  important contributory factor in the development of an attachment disorder.  Whatever the cause of June's mental illness circa 1959 we have no idea of what went on, or didn't go on, in the lead up to her admission to hospital.  Colin's book states that Sheila recalled being left alone in a pram in the garden crying for hours.  So there was possibly severe neglect and then an absence. 

We will/can never know the reason for June's first breakdown but on numerous occasions I've wondered if it was possible that she was unable to bond with Sheila and secretly wished she hadn't adopted her. It would certainly be a reason for her depression.

[lookout]

Changing the conversation somewhat.My grandsons' girlfriend comes from Holland.A place near Amster dam ( begins with an A,but can't pronounce it ) Anyway,,it's an hour from Rotterdam and 75 minutes from Schipol airport. Her dad was co-director of Hertz and is now living in Greece where they're going to fly out and stay with him on Tuesday. He's such a kind,generous man,,but saw very little of his daughter when she was a baby because of his business,and when the girl was three,the parents divorced and the child had a nanny who was American,so the girl is fluent Dutch with an American accent.
The consequence of the story is that she'd always craved family life as she grew up,rarely saw her father,didn't see her mother,so now lives here with my daughter and PLENTY of family.
She attended uni in Holland and gained whatever it is that you gain there,,a diploma in child-minding as that's what she did out there,for an MP and a banker. To say they were sorry to see her go was an understatement,,,as they too were very kind to my grandson while he was staying there.He actually got Dutch citizenship as well.

[maggie]

Awww, poor little thing. I bet she was lucky to get you for a mom though.
My half sister adopted two children from another country, the first one,  a boy, six months old, was so very easy to deal with even though he came from an orphanage. He was alert with good eye comtact and a ready, genuine smile. He is doing very well, and is well liked too everywhere he goes. Then they adopted a girl, but there were some bureaucratic problems, so she had turned two years old when they finally got her. It was a different experience altogether. She couldn´t smile, but rather she mimicked the smiles she got - she had to learn such a basic thing. That poor girl had a set of difficulties to deal with. She is doing OK now, they are very loving parents. She has a couple of talents though: she sings and dances sooooo well! They are both precious children.
Sorry, got carried away.

Poor little girl, bit lots of unconditional love will help her.   

[killingeve]

We will/can never know the reason for June's first breakdown but on numerous occasions I've wondered if it was possible that she was unable to bond with Sheila and secretly wished she hadn't adopted her. It would certainly be a reason for her depression.

Well I think it is fairly obvious based on Dr F's wit stats that it was all bound up with unresolved fertility issues/loss of birth children and possibly conflicts with her religious beliefs and adopting an illegitimate child, but I often come under hostile fire from all quarters when I mention this so I thought I would just toe the line today for a quiet life 

[Jane]

Well I think it is fairly obvious based on Dr F's wit stats that it was all bound up with unresolved fertility issues/loss of birth children and possibly conflicts with her religious beliefs and adopting an illegitimate child, but I often come under hostile fire from all quarters when I mention this so I thought I would just toe the line today for a quiet life 

Isn't there something about the riight answer usually being the most obvious

[Caroline R]

Well, yes, I knew that actually. Sometimes I try to see the best in people - naively. 

If only rose coloured specs could be fitted with microscope lenses!! 

[maggie]

Yes Maggie I think babies remember.  According to my parents (adoptive) I was a perfect baby and very rarely cried  .  A crying baby could be caused by loads of things not necessarily missing the birth mother.  I know you have a penchant for all things from the West country - were you reading her poems by Pam Ayres?  If you were then the crying would be perfectly understandable.  Is her adoptive father a Morris dancer?  If so I guess that wouldn't help either?

Anyway in Sheila's case I think it was June's mental illness circa 1959 which was the root cause of Sheila's problems.  You will note in the video clip that circa 3.30 in neglect is deemed to be a particularly  important contributory factor in the development of an attachment disorder.  Whatever the cause of June's mental illness circa 1959 we have no idea of what went on, or didn't go on, in the lead up to her admission to hospital.  Colin's book states that Sheila recalled being left alone in a pram in the garden crying for hours.  So there was possibly severe neglect and then an absence. 

Hey NN, Pam Ayres is not from the West Country, I think she's from Berkshire or Middlesex ?? and I am a loyal Liverpudlian if you don't mind.    I know there could have been other reasons why she yelled apart from her father's Morris Dancing practice at bedtimes.  However, I still think she missed the heat, the smell and the language and sounds so familiar to her while her mother was carrying her and for the first few weeks of her life.  However, fortunately she has stopped balling most of the time and she quite likes me now.
Because of June's illness and hospitalisation, Sheila suffered loss of her natural mum and then we are told loss of a secure replacement as she was looked after by various people while June was in hospital suffering from a breakdown and then later I believe they had a nanny?.  I'm not disagreeing with you per se but babies were put out in their prams at the top of the garden while the mother got on with her work back in the day, if they cried well it was tough luck I think!  I don't believe that spawned loads of damaged children but I do accept your point and maybe she was left for much longer than was acceptable even in those days..  Sheila's early years were certainly disrupted, she didn't have good beginings but Jeremy states she was a happy child.  Again we don't know what was going on deep in her psychie and how much she was damaged.  She certainly seemed to suffer from the extreme  sensitivity which is a personality trait in many people who develop the collection of symptoms which are necessary for the diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia. After puberty she seemed to stagger from one disaster to another but she had to have been an intelligent girl judging from the genes she must have inherited.  Sheila was a part of the tragedy not the cause of it imo. 

[susan]

Hello Maggie do you share your husband's passion for Morris Dancing bet you find it so exciting watching him banging his little stick and his little bells ringing you are so blessed.

[maggie]

We will/can never know the reason for June's first breakdown but on numerous occasions I've wondered if it was possible that she was unable to bond with Sheila and secretly wished she hadn't adopted her. It would certainly be a reason for her depression.

Hi April, adopting a baby does have difficulties quite different from a natural mother.  However much am adoptive mother may want a baby, her body and hormones just haven't prepared her for the big day when she finds herself all alone in charge of a screaming, demanding baby.  Lacking the hormones released during child birth it can be an enormous shock. If an adoptive mother is dreaming of the perfect little baby who drinks its milk and then goes to sleep for 12 hours it could cause disappointment, depression and feelings of failure. For someone already struggling with mental health issues it could be the thing which tips them over the edge.  A constant screamer makes it difficult enough for a natural mother to bond sometimes.  I don't suppose June had any support and was no doubt just left to get on with it.....