Given that I have lived the adoption experience for some 40 odd years and will continue to do so until my dying day I rather think I have a little more experience than most. But that is MY experience. My ability to comment further has come from studying pyschology at degree level during the 80's and much more recently studying adoption albeit on a non-formal basis.
'Closed' adoptions from the so-called baby scoop era produced poor outcomes in many cases. If you can find me any evidence to the contrary I am prepared to reevaluate my position. This will need to be more than YOUR opinion Lookout. Please put you views when your mind is ie produce the evidence. To dismiss professional opinion is imo a waste of time debating this with you further.
Again you make sickening comments about Sheila as highlighted above. What exactly in YOUR opinion Lookout constituted "Sheila's monstrous behaviour as a teen"? Imo the sole cause was having an unsuitable adoptive mother in JUNE BAMBER.
As Sheila spent much of her childhood at boarding school June did not have to concern herself with Sheila's discipline.
Adopting a child for most adoptive mothers is a time of great joy as it was for my adoptive mother; not a time when they became clinically depressed requiring in-patient pscyhiatric care due to their decision to adopt a child. I assume you have read Dr Ferguson's witness statement?
Yes birth mothers suffer post-natal depression but as you well know this is caused by fluctuating hormones. June did not suffer fluctuating hormones because she did not give birth to Sheila.
I have much empathy for the plight of others but I am afraid I have very very little for June Bamber who I see as a selfish hypocrite.
Your personal comments show you in your true colours. I will not lower myself to trading personal comments, bordering on insults, it's not the way I was brought up Lookout. I'm happy to debate the issues and have a bit of playful banter but I will not be drawn into personal comments/insults.
My guess is that June would have suffered hormonal problems after she reached puberty,,,and not knowing her background,I can't comment on her well-being during her 37 years,,nor the time of cessation which in itself can produce unwanted symptoms.
Studying is never the same as practical experience. This is why I don't follow books,,apart from when I did my exams many years ago. In between college I was also thrown feet first onto wards at 16 years of age,,,and from then on,look upon my many experiences as a privilege. I became more " hands-on " in all aspects of nursing,,as that was the way of learning back in the 50's. You learned as you went along,,which was much better than referring to books,,,as each patient was an individual and were treated as such,,and not clumped together with the same illness, as reactions,etc were different to medications and treatments in each individual. " One mans meat is another mans poison ". Trial and error. Much the same as bringing up children.
However,,my thanks should go to the matron at the time for her help and wisdom in giving me the ability to be able to study people and point out the strict discipline that was necessary in dealing with certain patients.
Yes,,Sheila did behave monstrously towards her mother,,and it wasn't fair. I think June was very tolerant,,as she must have been shocked at the way her daughter turned out. Difficult at school,,,difficult out of school and nobody to turn to as the family would have been horrified at having to admit to anyone that they were having difficulties with their daughter. I can both sympathise and empathise with June for having been in that situation,,where things like illness,especially of the mental kind,were unspoken.
I can't think of what else Sheila wanted,,as she was more privileged than others and didn't go short of anything. You're going to say " ah,but she did,,,,,,love ". That isn't always the answer either when you're dealing with someone who doesn't return it,,and you'd feel so let down.
Junes' " crutch " was her church,,,better than turning to drink like some mothers do,,to blot something out,,except that problems don't go away until they're solved,,,though in Sheilas' case they were only beginning.
It's easy to love a baby/toddler/child. It's a natural feeling which June would have shown initially,until alien behaviour showed itself,,,,and none of us could even begin to imagine what June endured.
The poor woman would have been too ashamed to tell anyone. Whether Junes' sister ever knew,we don't know,,,but whatever June did for Sheila,it would have been out of love in Junes mind,,without necessarily showing it. You don't have to " smother " your children to show you care. The very act of caring,,is love enough. If you have to keep repeating " I love you " to your children,,,there's some insecurity there along the way. A child automatically senses love the minute it is born,,and as it grows up,,and regardless of the childs' beginnings,,,as long as it's nurtured,fed and clothed,,,there shouldn't be any issues.
However,everyone's different,,thank the Lord. No clones in my family, only clowns,,,they've all gone their different ways,,,used different methods in bringing up their own children,,,and that's fine by me.
Poor Sheila didn't have that chance. You have to remain thankful and grateful for what you've got and keep your mind well occupied,,and travel too,as it also broadens your outlook on life.
My comments,,as you say,,,were reciprocated by your own.! You must accept " insults " back, as long as you're dishing them out in the first place. I think you forget what you say.!
