Book Reviews - Murders/Suicide at WHF

[maggie]

Patti, thank you for your kind and thoughtful post.
My daughter has lived away from home since she was 16.
At her request, I may add.
We do go out for Coffee, etc and have lovely times together.
But there is the light side and then there is the dark side and it is impossible to predict which "side" of my daughter is going to come out to play! (Particularly over the previous 2 years since she began suffering with depression.)
Over the years its been a roller coaster.
She has no children as her relationships have not worked out.
She is still lovely looking, a real head turner, because she won't eat enough most of the time!
Summer

Will she go to the doctors summer or does she refuse to acknowledge that she needs to.?

[SUMMER]

Yes, I understand summer, is she on medication? One of my daughters suffers chronically from depression but anti depressants sort her out.  She takes them all the time.

Maggie, yes she tried medication and it made her gain weight and get more aggressive so she stopped it gradually and had to go to the gymn for 6 weeks to lose the weight!
Imagine, someone who is always so slim balooning like that.
She felt even more depressed then!
Summer

[maggie]

Maggie, yes she tried medication and it made her gain weight and get more aggressive so she stopped it gradually and had to go to the gymn for 6 weeks to lose the weight!
Imagine, someone who is always so slim balooning like that.
She felt even more depressed then!
Summer

I know some of them can make you put on weight almost overnight, prozac doesnt usually do that but it doesnt suit everyone.  But that was the kiss of death I suppose, so no more medication!! Its a really difficult problem, as you say emotionally exhausting and draining, Im sorry summer.

[Nuala]

Keira, my daughter is 34 and we get into these verbal battles very frequently and if we are alone then it is just dreadful.
However, in between these "incidents" we are actually the best of friends and she is highly protective of both myself and her two brothers! (They are 31 and 35.) She also fights with them too, in a similar pattern!
None of it makes sense!
But there is definately something wrong and it leaves me with a terrific sense of helplessness to do anything about the situation.
Luckily we have managed to get her another place to live so the tension has gone down a lot for all of us.
Summer

Summer,

I hope your daughter's move to her own place will relieve a lot more pressure from both of you. If not, you might consider asking for an appointment with Relate, they provide counselling for parents and older children as well as for couples. My daughter and I had counselling with Relate when we went through a difficult patch and in my experience they do help. One useful outcome of our counselling was that we were given strategies for avoiding and dealing with conflict which helped. It was mostly about trying to see things from the other's perspective, putting yourself in their shoes. You know how Atticus, in To Kill a Mocking Bird said that you never really know a person until you climb inside their skin and walk around in it? I think our experience was much like Patti's. Although I didn't see it at the time, I was as responsible for the rows as my daughter was because I was not giving her the space to lead her own life or fully respecting her as the adult she is. My daughter and I still have rows from time to time, but we have fewer rows now, they don't seem like the end of the world as they once did and we make up quicker.

[Jane]

....... parents can't ALWAYS be held responsible for childrens' behaviour, however they can't NOT be a contributory factor.

Summer, I feel I must stand by what I've said here but this is in no way saying that everthing parents contribute is bad. Parents ARE responsible until children reach a certain age because they can't be expected to be responsible for themselves but there comes a point when they/we must take responsibility for ourselves.

I'm so sorry that you're having such a difficult time and I hope there's somebody you can talk to when the stress gets too much. Coping with someone with depression, I imagine feels like treading on eggshells. You must feel wrung out at times.

I feel certain that it will have been suggested to you already but is it possible that your daughter abuses you because you are the safest person she knows?

I hope that, in time, things will improve.

[Nuala]

Another plus with Relate is that they can refer you to other, more suitable counselling services if your problem is beyond their remit.

[ajross]

interesting in Wilkes book at the end of chapter 3 that Nevill seemed to suggest to the secretary that his death may have been imminent, I'm guessing this may be where the outlandish secret service murder theory began. Also interesting were some of the comments about what Sheila said to the consultant.

[mertol22]

Patti i will take a picture of  the 1st part of the page i mentioned and post tomorrow.

[Nuala]

interesting in Wilkes book at the end of chapter 3 that Nevill seemed to suggest to the secretary that his death may have been imminent, I'm guessing this may be where the outlandish secret service murder theory began. Also interesting were some of the comments about what Sheila said to the consultant.

Well, a handful of bullets had been thrown at Nevill's car in a car park and he'd been threatened in a rather frightening manner. I don't expect this played any small part in Nevill's sense of foreboding.

[Nuala]

Well, a handful of bullets had been thrown at Nevill's car in a car park and he'd been threatened in a rather frightening manner. I don't expect this played any small part in Nevill's sense of foreboding.

We're told that a panic alarm was installed at WHF. If so, was this threat the reason for it's installation?

[ajross]

Well, a handful of bullets had been thrown at Nevill's car in a car park and he'd been threatened in a rather frightening manner. I don't expect this played any small part in Nevill's sense of foreboding.

I think the thing about it is the way Wilkes sets it up, he develops Nevill as a strong willed, strong character and then shows a very vulnerable side where he seems terrified. With the guns and history I don't see why he would have been so acutely afraid and aware all of a sudden, I shall read on though.

[Nuala]

I think the thing about it is the way Wilkes sets it up, he develops Nevill as a strong willed, strong character and then shows a very vulnerable side where he seems terrified. With the guns and history I don't see why he would have been so acutely afraid and aware all of a sudden, I shall read on though.

I'm told by someone who knew Nevill and the man who threatened him that the man was a bit of a psychopath. Nevill, a local magistrate, had imprisoned him for 6 months for an attack on this man's wife and he lost his wife and children, possibly while in prison. He had a huge grudge against Nevill and threatened Nevill with revenge. Anyone in Nevill's position would have been afraid.

[mertol22]

I'm told by someone who knew Nevill and the man who threatened him that the man was a bit of a psychopath. Nevill, a local magistrate, had imprisoned him for 6 months for an attack this man's wife and he lost his wife and children, possibly while in prison. He had a huge grudge against Nevill and threatened Nevill with revenge. Anyone in Nevill's position would have been afraid.

The figure walking away ??

[ajross]

I'm told by someone who knew Nevill and the man who threatened him that the man was a bit of a psychopath. Nevill, a local magistrate, had imprisoned him for 6 months for an attack this man's wife and he lost his wife and children, possibly while in prison. He had a huge grudge against Nevill and threatened Nevill with revenge. Anyone in Nevill's position would have been afraid.

Yes certainly, that all makes sense, but I think that Wilkes sets it up in a strange way in the book so as to somehow try and highlight a weakness or plant a seed of a conspiracy, I have only read the first four chapters so far though. I just wondered if this might have been the start of the conspiracy theory about the other ex-serviceman. I have also read about the panic alarm. I think the way it is worded in the book it suggests that Nevill expected to get shot. However, there is no way to know where the quotes came from either.

[Nuala]

The figure walking away ??

My thoughts precisely, Mertol. Though I doubt if we will ever know for certain who that hunched and scruffy figure was who was seen walking away from WHF by police.

We know who he wasn't. He was Jeremy because he was with the police. He wasn't Fraser-Bell, because he was driving a tractor. So who was he?