Exhibits from the family

[maggie]

Maggie
I would think it is a very complex matter both from your stance and from April's I am totally ignorant on Adoption but I think more is known and understood about it now than ever before.

Absolutely, for a start no one realised a tiny baby could suffer huge trauma just being separated from the natural mother.

[Jane]

Absolutely, for a start no one realised a tiny baby could suffer huge trauma just being separated from the natural mother.

According to my mother she was told to "treat it as if it was yours and it will grow to be like you" I was SUCH a disappointment!!!!! :D Thankfully we now understand that within 6(?) weeks a baby knows its' mothers voice, smell. touch and walk and can suffer depression if they become separated from her.

[lookout]

Absolutely, for a start no one realised a tiny baby could suffer huge trauma just being separated from the natural mother.

Not a hundred years ago,when I worked on a maternity ward,when babies were born,they were whipped up and put in the nursery to give mums a rest after the birth,and it was up to us to bottle-feed where applicable,through the night as well.
I thought this was terrible that they weren't put with their mums,as they do now,40 years on. The mums obviously didn't know any different back then,but it wouldn't happen today as the baby is beside mum. The ward sister was strict and if babies cried they were left to cry if they'd been fed,etc. Very cruel and upsetting for the mums-----------and for me too.I didn't get on with the ward sister for that reason.What a harridan.

[maggie]

According to my mother she was told to "treat it as if it was yours and it will grow to be like you" I was SUCH a disappointment!!!!! :D Thankfully we now understand that within 6(?) weeks a baby knows its' mothers voice, smell. touch and walk and can suffer depression if they become separated from her.

From my own experience I would hazard a guess that a particularly alert baby would recognise all that much earlier and could show real signs of distress.

[susan]

According to my mother she was told to "treat it as if it was yours and it will grow to be like you" I was SUCH a disappointment!!!!! :D Thankfully we now understand that within 6(?) weeks a baby knows its' mothers voice, smell. touch and walk and can suffer depression if they become separated from her.

April
that is quite incredible I never knew that. April forgive me for saying but from what you have told us about your Mother I don't think any child would have come upto her expectations sad but true

[Jane]

April
that is quite incredible I never knew that. April forgive me for saying but from what you have told us about your Mother I don't think any child would have come upto her expectations sad but true

We can never know, Susan, but it's possible that it was the same for June because neither of her children conformed, in character, to her and Neville's likeness.

[maggie]

We can never know, Susan, but it's possible that it was the same for June because neither of her children conformed, in character, to her and Neville's likeness.

I cannot understand how people can be so stupid and so heartless. A child is a child, the fixation of a child in your own likeness is nothing to do with unconditional love which is what every child should have.
Why adopt a child if you aren't going to love it for itself? 

[susan]

We can never know, Susan, but it's possible that it was the same for June because neither of her children conformed, in character, to her and Neville's likeness.

April that is very true. Sheila and Jeremy did not conform and were the exact opposite of herself and Neville

[Jane]

I cannot understand how people can be so stupid and so heartless. A child is a child, the fixation of a child in your own likeness is nothing to do with unconditional love which is what every child should have.
Why adopt a child if you aren't going to love it for itself? 

It fits with a woman who has -either by birth or adoption- a child to make her own life better. It becomes about what a child will do for/GIVE her, NOT what she can do for/GIVE the child. Sadly, it's the road to unhappiness and disappointment for both.

[Caroline]

Absolutely, for a start no one realised a tiny baby could suffer huge trauma just being separated from the natural mother.

Oh! I remember studying Attachment Theory and Harlow's Monkey's - brought tears to my eyes! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O60TYAIgC4

I defy anyone to have a dry eye!!

[maggie]

It fits with a woman who has -either by birth or adoption- a child to make her own life better. It becomes about what a child will do for/GIVE her, NOT what she can do for/GIVE the child. Sadly, it's the road to unhappiness and disappointment for both.

I know it happens but it's hard to fathom.

[maggie]

Oh! I remember studying Attachment Theory and Harlow's Monkey's - brought tears to my eyes! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O60TYAIgC4

I defy anyone to have a dry eye!!

I'd rather not read that however the Primal Wound covers every angle in humans ie. Child, natural and adoptive mothers...... very interesting.

[Caroline]

I'd rather not read that however the Primal Wound covers every angle in humans ie. Child, natural and adoptive mothers...... very interesting.

It's a film of his original experiment with baby monkey's. It's pretty cruel but it helped to influence child care - for the better. Most early social psychology experiments were cruel.

[Jane]

Oh! I remember studying Attachment Theory and Harlow's Monkey's - brought tears to my eyes! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O60TYAIgC4

I defy anyone to have a dry eye!!

I did Bowlby's attachment theory. Apparently, after the war and in order to get women back into "their" kitchens, a worker was paid to prick every tenth contraceptive!!!!!!! and the mother was made to feel wicked for leaving her baby.

[maggie]

It's a film of his original experiment with baby monkey's. It's pretty cruel but it helped to influence child care - for the better. Most early social psychology experiments were cruel.

I gathered that, too close to the bone, can't go there poor little monkeys.