Neglect and the Effect on Developing Brains of Babies/Small Children

[lookout]

Lack of bonding isn't just peculiar to those who've been adopted.It can happen,,and does,with birth parents,depending on the nature of the mother and also circumstances involving the birth itself,,so it's a myth that adoptees don't have any bonding.
 Some mothers have had children as being a right of passage,something which is thought of as the thing to do,without further thought of any future implications. Thankfully it doesn't happen that way so much as the years have gone on and now women have a choice,,to have a child,,or not to have a child.
 It's what the grounding consists of while the child is growing up that seals the fate of a childs' future.

[Patti]

Patti, there is a difference between clinical depression and depression bought about by life circumstances. It's widely believed that clinical depression is genetic, as is addictive personality disorder, but as this covers ALL areas, it's not always recoginzed as being the same thing.

Hi April

I'm just reading about it now and there is an argument between scientist that depression can be genetically linked. They say that someone suffering clinical depression are 3 times likely to have got a gene from a parent.

The other argument is that it could be through watching parents in depression and that this is mimicked....

Ha! I'm not sure if I am reading the right sight...lol 
http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/genetic

[Jane]

Thanks for that Maggie/Lookout. I have googled and it is true that depression can be hereditary. I have been on seroxat for 14 years but initially was put on them for violent mood swings due to a hormonal inbalance. I went on to suffer with depression (and sadly still do) and one of my friends believes the medication has caused this. Seroxat has been known to cause suicidal thoughts etc. However,I believe I have it due to trauma in my past and so does my doctor but I keep refusing the counselling. Sorry,am wittering on. Anyway,there is nobody else in my family that suffers with depression although I do believe my (estranged) mother has a personality disorder. I don't know if there is a link.

Tyler, I would URGE you to rethink your refusal to accept counselling. I have seen it work to the point where some long term users of Seroxat where able to come off it. I know it's received a bad press but there have been many more excellent results. If you could only unravel that past trauma, as there appears to be no other cases of depression within your family, it's more than possible that you could eventually come off Seroxat.

[maggie]

Tyler, I would URGE you to rethink your refusal to accept counselling. I have seen it work to the point where some long term users of Seroxat where able to come off it. I know it's received a bad press but there have been many more excellent results. If you could only unravel that past trauma, as there appears to be no other cases of depression within your family, it's more than possible that you could eventually come off Seroxat.

I agree April, forgot that bit in my post.  I have friends who went to counselling unwillingly and with negativity who found it invaluable.

[Jane]

Hi April

I'm just reading about it now and there is an argument between scientist that depression can be genetically linked. They say that someone suffering clinical depression are 3 times likely to have got a gene from a parent.

The other argument is that it could be through watching parents in depression and that this is mimicked....

Ha! I'm not sure if I am reading the right sight...lol 
http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/genetic

Patti, you absolutely ARE right. A child's first and ONLY frame of reference is their parents. Children WANT to please their parents. What higher form of flattery is there than to emulate what they do, but it's entirely unconscious. Recall with embarrassment perhaps the times one of your children repeated what you may have said about someone, in that persons presence. It wouldn't have been DONE to embarrass, it would have been done to show that your child was in agreement with you.

[Patti]

Thanks for that Maggie/Lookout. I have googled and it is true that depression can be hereditary. I have been on seroxat for 14 years but initially was put on them for violent mood swings due to a hormonal inbalance. I went on to suffer with depression (and sadly still do) and one of my friends believes the medication has caused this. Seroxat has been known to cause suicidal thoughts etc. However,I believe I have it due to trauma in my past and so does my doctor but I keep refusing the counselling. Sorry,am wittering on. Anyway,there is nobody else in my family that suffers with depression although I do believe my (estranged) mother has a personality disorder. I don't know if there is a link.

Hi Tyler

I know where you are coming from and I too have suffered this dreadful thing, but my parents did not, neither did any of my grandparents.  Life can be very cruel in so far it throws us all sorts of problems and  most of us have experienced some sort of trauma in our lives. When we are met with one thing after another it takes it toll on us....and it causes low mood and some cases it can stop you from going out and has an effect on your social life.  Its up to you whether or not you have counselling, no one can force you, you have to make up your mind, but its there should you need it and it can help you.  At the end of the day its all about control and the train of thought process.  I deal with this on a daily basis...my interpretations can be very negative and I need to turn that round into a positive thought....Its a difficult technique, but once mastered it can make you feel in control and gives you a boost....Chin up Tyler you are not alone...

[Patti]

Patti, you absolutely ARE right. A child's first and ONLY frame of reference is their parents. Children WANT to please their parents. What higher form of flattery is there than to emulate what they do, but it's entirely unconscious. Recall with embarrassment perhaps the times one of your children repeated what you may have said about someone, in that persons presence. It wouldn't have been DONE to embarrass, it would have been done to show that your child was in agreement with you.

  My mother always used to leave bit of veg in the saucepan when dishing dinner out, she did it out of habit. She would leave two sprouts a handful of carrots and potatoes.  I suppose I do the same; my mothers habit I must have picked up...She would save this bit of veg in a dish and put it in the fridge, only to be thrown away a few days later....I do the same...

[Jane]

My mother always used to leave bit of veg in the saucepan when dishing dinner out, she did it out of habit. She would leave two sprouts a handful of carrots and potatoes.  I suppose I do the same; my mothers habit I must have picked up...She would save this bit of veg in a dish and put it in the fridge, only to be thrown away a few days later....I do the same...

And that's just one habit you've picked up, I'm certain if you think about it, there'll be others. We ALL do it. Our Mother figures, that is, whoever fulfils that role in our childhood, are, whether good, bad or indifferent, VERY powerful.....................and God help the poor mite who has to grow up with a "perfect" parent. There is no such animal, nor should there be. How can perfection possibly prepare a child for an imperfect world. All it will do is create for the child a lonely existence as it searches for something which doesn't exist.

[Patti]

And that's just one habit you've picked up, I'm certain if you think about it, there'll be others. We ALL do it. Our Mother figures, that is, whoever fulfils that role in our childhood, are, whether good, bad or indifferent, VERY powerful.....................and God help the poor mite who has to grow up with a "perfect" parent. There is no such animal, nor should there be. How can perfection possibly prepare a child for an imperfect world. All it will do is create for the child a lonely existence as it searches for something which doesn't exist.

Arrr lovely April...I am sat reflecting back to when I first started to write and so wanted to write like my mother, she had a wonderful flow to her writing.  I remember sitting with my grandfather for hours on end learning to write my name and the letter P is still the same to this day....

I agree we learn a great deal from our parents to stage where we mimic them.....

[lookout]

Thanks for that Maggie/Lookout. I have googled and it is true that depression can be hereditary. I have been on seroxat for 14 years but initially was put on them for violent mood swings due to a hormonal inbalance. I went on to suffer with depression (and sadly still do) and one of my friends believes the medication has caused this. Seroxat has been known to cause suicidal thoughts etc. However,I believe I have it due to trauma in my past and so does my doctor but I keep refusing the counselling. Sorry,am wittering on. Anyway,there is nobody else in my family that suffers with depression although I do believe my (estranged) mother has a personality disorder. I don't know if there is a link.

Tyler,,I would seriously think of off-loading your traumas on to a counsellor if I were you. It can't harm,,and he/she will be the listener and adviser, where necessary. This would be my advice anyway.
At no time will you be judged and whatever is said,remains confidential.
The old saying,,a problem shared is a problem halved comes into its own when you have professional advice.
I fully understand the reason for taking medication,,but my theory in doing so,,masks a problem which could be remedied just by pouring out the reason/s why you are taking it.
You have all my sympathy in enduring your difficulties for so long,,so why not give counselling a try.? 

[Jane]

Tyler,,I would seriously think of off-loading your traumas on to a counsellor if I were you. It can't harm,,and he/she will be the listener and adviser, where necessary. This would be my advice anyway.
At no time will you be judged and whatever is said,remains confidential.
The old saying,,a problem shared is a problem halved comes into its own when you have professional advice.
I fully understand the reason for taking medication,,but my theory in doing so,,masks a problem which could be remedied just by pouring out the reason/s why you are taking it.
You have all my sympathy in enduring your difficulties for so long,,so why not give counselling a try.?

Lookout you are absolutely correct. In SO many cases, meds are just a sheild against the REAL problem. A wonderful psychologist called Dorethy Rowe once said she had never known a course of ECT to make right a marriage which had gone wrong.

[Alias]

Tyler, so sorry you have those problems, you are a lovely lady and deserve the best. You must have your reasons to refuse counselling, but as other members here suggest, I will also say that it is worth a try at least. You do take medication, so you have already accepted that you have a problem, why not try to solve the problem more profoundly?
Big hug

[tyler]

Thank you so very much to you all for the advice. I will give the vitamin D a go Maggie (thank you)! And I will try so very hard to pluck up the courage to try counselling. My close friends know my problem and when we end up discussing it I just end up breaking down. Its embarrassing. I am just scared how much harder it would be with a stranger. But I guess I will never know if I don't try? Thank you again all for your kindness and advice x

[maggie]

Thank you so very much to you all for the advice. I will give the vitamin D a go Maggie (thank you)! And I will try so very hard to pluck up the courage to try counselling. My close friends know my problem and when we end up discussing it I just end up breaking down. Its embarrassing. I am just scared how much harder it would be with a stranger. But I guess I will never know if I don't try? Thank you again all for your kindness and advice x

Hi tyler you may find it easier to talk to a stranger than someone close to you. Theres no shame in breaking down. Cousellors are trained to deal with tears thats why they always have boxes of tissues to hand they are also trained to encourage and support. Good luck xx

[tyler]

Thank you Maggie x