Re: Adoption Debate

[Lugg]

Of course...Sheila's sexual behaviour for the era was entirely 'normal'. I'm afraid some on here are so ancient they're from a different world; thankfully one we don't recognise.  One can't help but wonder if there may be some jealousy ie only one pop at the cherry 

However it isn't just limited to the above...oh no...we have mention of "poor demented soul" and "looney" and all from people in the 'caring' profession...supposedly    I think the pair of them need taking in hand and a few lessons taught

http://jeremybamberforum.co.uk/index.php/topic,3267.msg127332.html#msg127332

http://jeremybamberforum.co.uk/index.php/topic,3267.msg127324.html#msg127324

Anyway that's my lot for today must get on with some work now we're not all retirees on here 

Don't be so quick to judge. What you count ancient may be the right way to go, what with the increase of sexual diseases? Not only that, but all you need to do is go back in history to see that we have been down this road before. I'm afraid that whilst Christians have remained constant in their moral beliefs it is the world which rejects those morals that have been so changeable. Just go back to the Roman era and then judge those of today and you will soon discover who are the ancient ones.

[maggie]

Morning N/N  I have tried all different types of cherries in my time so I have missed nothing Just read the threads and I used the word looney and it was directed at Maggie in jest of course.  Sorry Maggie   I would never disrespect a person with a mental illness in that way maybe I have picked you up wrong N/N

Susie I know you used the word in an affectionate way to me. While it is unpolitically correct and understandably so, its also slang of certain generatio. Much of the slang of today can also be seen as at least if not more offensive.

You are a good person with a huge heart who would never willingly offend anyone. 

[Jane]

Hi April, it is such a complex subject I find it difficult to post on it. It is so tied up with the human condition. I feel the difference between adopted and natural children is in the wound left after loss of the birth mother. A child in a biological family brought up with unconditional love will not have to deal with the conscious or unconscious belief that they were not wanted by their natural mother. An intelligent child loved and loving in an adopted family can still struggle,and need psychological help. I believe genetics do play a part in how any child, or adult copes with the difficulties of life therefore while some children cope quite easily with adoption others will always find it and life more difficult. Unconditional love is a massive gift to any child because it moulds coping skills for life. June, is possibly an example of a natural child who maybe never knew unconditional love but only expectations of good levels of behaviour.  This would have left her with no  learned coping skills leaving her struggling to cope with her own needs and emotions never mind a vulnerable and headstrong child. I don't personally feel Sheila was unwanted and we really do not know what the phrase June became depressed 'because of 'adopting Sheila' meant. It didn'necessarily mean she didnt want or love Sheila imo.

Maggie, for "complex", I'm inclined to think MESSY!!! My own mother, and possibly, June, had never received unconditional love, which makes it more likely that she/they believed that a child would be the answer to all their problems. Unwilling/unable to have one biologically, they adopted-unlike Sheila, who I believe tried very hard to go down the biological route to achieve the same outcome for similar reasons. When the child proved NOT to give them what they were seeking, it became the child's fault. It didn't do as it was told, it wasn't like the rest of the family. I can't think there were many children more wanted than I and perhaps, Sheila, but possibly with unfulfillable expectations of us. My own mother countered my adult claims that I'd never felt loved by her by telling me that I'd never shown her any love when I was little!!!! How did she think I knew how to. I feel it makes little difference to that style of mothering whether the child is biological or adopted. I think the mindset of what a child will provide for the parent, as opposed to what the parent can provide for the child, doesn't bode well for happy relationships.

[lookout]

Of course...Sheila's sexual behaviour for the era was entirely 'normal'.  I'm afraid some on here are so ancient they're from a different world; thankfully one we don't recognise.  One can't help but wonder if there may be some jealousy ie only one pop at the cherry 

However it isn't just limited to the above...oh no...we have mention of "poor demented soul" and "looney" and all from people in the 'caring' profession...supposedly    I think the pair of them need taking in hand and a few lessons taught

http://jeremybamberforum.co.uk/index.php/topic,3267.msg127332.html#msg127332

http://jeremybamberforum.co.uk/index.php/topic,3267.msg127324.html#msg127324

Anyway that's my lot for today must get on with some work now we're not all retirees on here 

And were not all unbalanced either,,,NN.

[maggie]

Maggie, for "complex", I'm inclined to think MESSY!!! My own mother, and possibly, June, had never received unconditional love, which makes it more likely that she/they believed that a child would be the answer to all their problems. Unwilling/unable to have one biologically, they adopted-unlike Sheila, who I believe tried very hard to go down the biological route to achieve the same outcome for similar reasons. When the child proved NOT to give them what they were seeking, it became the child's fault. It didn't do as it was told, it wasn't like the rest of the family. I can't think there were many children more wanted than I and perhaps, Sheila, but possibly with unfulfillable expectations of us. My own mother countered my adult claims that I'd never felt loved by her by telling me that I'd never shown her any love when I was little!!!! How did she think I knew how to. I feel it makes little difference to that style of mothering whether the child is biological or adopted. I think the mindset of what a child will provide for the parent, as opposed to what the parent can provide for the child, doesn't bode well for happy relationships.

Very true april, again unconditional love is the key.  If the mother is so needy they need the child to fill their longing for love that is very different from a woman who longs to pass on her unconditional love to a child.   As you and lookout state that can happen in any family, adopted child or natural child.  There are many damaged people who are products of damaged adults, adopted or natural.  This is a tragedy which can be passed from generation to generation unless the circle is broken.  It's true some people have the ability to break the circle instinctively but many don't.

[susan]

Hi Maggie

it is funny but in this part of the world they refer to a young lad as a loon or that wee loony.  I get called a lunatic daily must be an affection word in Scotland for a nice young lady

[Jane]

Hi Maggie

it is funny but in this part of the world they refer to a young lad as a loon or that wee loony.  I get called a lunatic daily must be an affection word in Scotland for a nice young lady

Susan, if a male is a loony and a female is a loona, a loonatic must be a loona who makes a study of loonys

[susan]

Hello april

 

[Jane]

Hello april

 

HI, Susan

[Lugg]

Hi Maggie

it is funny but in this part of the world they refer to a young lad as a loon or that wee loony.  I get called a lunatic daily must be an affection word in Scotland for a nice young lady

Phew! Am I glad you cleared that up. I wondered why everyone down here in the south are always saying that Scotland is full of loonies.  

[susan]

Hi Lugg and the females are referred to as Dames and other things of course.  Can you imagine the mixture of the local talk and me with the Yorkshire talk.

[Jane]

Phew! Am I glad you cleared that up. I wondered why everyone down here in the south are always saying that Scotland is full of loonies.  

Lugg, not all of us Southerners are Scottishists

[susan]

Hello april

thought you may like to know that in the area where I live we have nearly as many Southerners as local people (all quite well heeled I may add) and one from Yorkshire who can't spell

[killingeve]

Don't be so quick to judge. What you count ancient may be the right way to go, what with the increase of sexual diseases? Not only that, but all you need to do is go back in history to see that we have been down this road before. I'm afraid that whilst Christians have remained constant in their moral beliefs it is the world which rejects those morals that have been so changeable. Just go back to the Roman era and then judge those of today and you will soon discover who are the ancient ones.

Lugg what did I TELL you about lectures and sermons    Please spare me your bible bashing and any other sort of bashing you do    How you have the audacity for such a lecture given the recent child sex abuse scandals/*homosexual revelatons in church I've no idea    (*I've no problems whatsoever with homosexuals just find the likes of Cardinal Keith O'Brien a wee bit hypocritical).  Check the nuns out too Lugg:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01pvb7c

Sadistic/psychopaths.

I don't need a bearded man in the sky to think intellectually about what's right and wrong.  You seem to see Christians as morally superior?  I don't.

The Pope's condemnations:

The use of contraception particularly relevant in Africa with the spread of AIDS.

Stem cell research preventing medical breakthroughs and pioneering new treatments.

Right to die with dignity.

Homosexuality.

Equality for women.

The pope is imo the Devil incarnate.

I'm sure you think I need taking in hand and some discipline meted out...in your dreams Lugg 

Lugg I loves ya really 

[Jane]

Hello april

thought you may like to know that in the area where I live we have nearly as many Southerners as local people (all quite well heeled I may add) and one from Yorkshire who can't spell

Susan dear, there's always one who lets the side down, isn't there. Bet you're glad it's not you