Grass and then there were tree's...true life book, coming to Europe soon..

[Jane]

Morning april  thank you for giving such good advice to Doleyglassback you have had such horrendous times in your life and you have come through with flying colours.  Well done to you my dear.  I have had some difficult times in my life but I have always been able to talk about them which as a result like you I feel fulfilled and not bitter but I suspect Doleyglassback has had much much harder times than I ever had.

Susan HELLO and thankyou for your kind and generous words. Everyones circumstances are in isolation from anyone elses so it's not possible to say that a circumstane is better or worse, only different. I strongly suspect that the way in which we deal with things as adults is entirely linked to how our worlds were when we were children, meaning that a confident child will deal very differently with life problems than will a child whose spirit has been undermined.

[susan]

Hello april excellent post and very true.

[lookout]

Good morning girls.. It is the most wonderful therapy to be able to talk. Believe it or not,,two weeks ago,I finished an 8 week course of PTSD ( post-traumatic stress disorder ) I thought,,being a strong person,that I would/could eventually shut the part of my mind out that was troubling,,but to no avail. I was full of anger which was making me ill,,and in my quest to find answers to my problem,,I'd hit a brick wall,,as there literally wasn't a thing I could do,,nor anyone of " authority " that I could turn to,,as they all seemed to be working against me.
I'd had this problem since 2011,,well this particular one anyway,,and I was trying to deal with it on my own. I'd sat up all night at times,getting notes off the internet and compiled a whole A4 writing pad of a cross between a diary and a case which I was prepared to use in court.
When you know that you're right,,it's very frustrating when you can't get anyone on your side. To have a " door closed in your face " is very soul-destroying even though you know that what you set out to do,,you can't give up,whatever happens,,you've got to keep going. Where the strength comes from to carry on,,I don't know,,but it can be very draining at times,and unless you remain focussed,,you're lost.

Doleyglassback is certainly an admirable character,who I feel that I know on a personal level,,as I can relate to her in some aspects of her life. I appreciate her written thoughts made into bookform,as it's part of her life.A part that will take a long time to release from her mind.
I would advise her to look after herself,healthwise,in order to keep going,as it's most important,,even if you have not much else. Things will come together eventually,,but anything concerning authorities can take a longer time when you're fighting for justice,but if you show determination,you'll get there in the end. Hard,I know,,but unless you keep up the fight,,they've won.   

[susan]

Morning lookout

I know how you feel I have had doors shut in my face and fought an incident for 7 years and in the end I thought my sanity was worth more than the issue in question and I just walked away.  With me it is not a case of who has won it is a case of who is the better person and I consider that to be myself I have no anger bitterness and can live at peace and even talk about the incident with no emotion.  Not sure if I would have Jeremy's staying power as I tend to take the least line of resistance as that is my nature. Maybe I am weak but I am happy weak

[lookout]

Morning lookout

I know how you feel I have had doors shut in my face and fought an incident for 7 years and in the end I thought my sanity was worth more than the issue in question and I just walked away.  With me it is not a case of who has won it is a case of who is the better person and I consider that to be myself I have no anger bitterness and can live at peace and even talk about the incident with no emotion.  Not sure if I would have Jeremy's staying power as I tend to take the least line of resistance as that is my nature. Maybe I am weak but I am happy weak

Morning Susan,,,good for you girl.A lot of sense spoken there,as usual from your good self.
A lot does depend on the sort of person you are,,but as long as you can " keep your head " when all around are losing theirs,,you're on to a winner. I found myself in that situation and I can tell you,,it was very satisfying,,especially seeing that they were supposed to be professionals.

[Jane]

Morning lookout

I know how you feel I have had doors shut in my face and fought an incident for 7 years and in the end I thought my sanity was worth more than the issue in question and I just walked away.  With me it is not a case of who has won it is a case of who is the better person and I consider that to be myself I have no anger bitterness and can live at peace and even talk about the incident with no emotion.  Not sure if I would have Jeremy's staying power as I tend to take the least line of resistance as that is my nature. Maybe I am weak but I am happy weak

Nothing at all to do with weakness, Susan. It's about being able to recognize what's what's important to you and what it takes to bring you peace of mind. It's different for us all but it doesn't mean we're right or wrong. We're (hopefully) just doing what's right for us.

[susan]

Hi april you are right again.  I prefer to walk away than let something destroy my life and it is as you said all down to the nature of the individual I'm weak

[tez28]

I would like to thank all of you for your words of kindness and wisdom.. I am close to tears reading what you have all wrote. The pain is inscribed so deep, at the moment I am unable to part with what happened. this happened in 1995 and still I'm being tortured. I lost my mum and kids to the most evilest person 'I've had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting with. we think we have our eyes open, but in reality when things happen that you just can't comprehend, later you realise you were so blind. After the attempted murder of my mother more suffering was inflicted upon me by things she needed to tell someone before she died. She off loaded it onto me which I don't and didn't mind, but the injury my mother endured at the hands of others, in her most weakest moments is heart wrenching for me. I tried several years after my mother's death to put right the wrong doing that had been bestowed upon my mother, by others she trusted in her time of need...but hey that's another story and still it twists inside me  till the pain gets to much then my body goes into flat line mode..so much I carry because I was expected too. that revolver has me held by so many angles at times I had thought I would never survive the torture that is happening to me then and still now. but one thing for sure all the people that have been responsible for inflicting their evil ways on my mother, now all know I have pulled their skeletons from out of the cupboard, and they know I will never forgive them or shut up about their wrong doings. To me my mother was my life and it took for her death to realise just how much she really meant to me. I will never forget her or her circumstances that she didn't deserve ,, but one day....

[susan]

Hello Doleyglassback  your story sounds so horrendous and sad.  I wish I could help you but I suppose it has to come from within and time is a great healer.  I cannot give you advice as I am not qualified to do so but all I can say you are in my thoughts and you sound to be a very strong person who will come through this eventually

[tez28]

me today after getting myself together after your kind words! 

[Patti]

Your post has touched me deeply. Feelings have surfaced from a time in my own life that I wouldn't have wished on anyone. I am VERY concerned that you are still holding on to some of what happened and I would urge you to find someone you can give this information to. I spent many years in therapy because of what happened to me and the room in which it took place was womblike in its security. One of the most important lessons I learned was that the more I talked about it, the more the burden of it was lifted from me. I'm certain that you don't need me to tell you just how crushing is that burden. It took a long time before I was able to do this outside the therapy room. Misplaced loyalty, guilt, shame, embarrassment, fear that I and my world would fall apart all played a part in this. Your book will do a great job on your behalf, but I feel that true healing will come from you HEARING yourself say the words out loud. For me, healing was like a benediction which is constantly renewed. Not a day goes past when I don't feel the joy of finally being free of it and from the bottom of my heart I wish the same peace of mind for you.

Lovely April That was a lovely post and so so true. Sometimes it is difficult to express feelings and reveal hurtful things, we tend to bury them don't we. I suppose it is human nature.  Yet, sometimes one can blurt it all out to a stranger within seconds of meeting. 

Hi Doleyglassback I am sorry to hear that you have still got hidden memories, I hope they don't torment you to much.   I think writing is the first step in tackling any demons...a diary becomes a book..and you have tremendous support...take care...Patti X

[tez28]

that's what I do and have been doing since about 1998.I have wrote loads but in the early 2000's I burnt loads, wished I hadn't but you cant turn back time.

[lookout]

Doleyglassback,,get back to your writing,,it's the best therapy you can have. Put down your thoughts and make them into sentences,then slowly you'll replace what it was that you burned. Fortunately,,the memory is still good enough in picking up past events.I know you can't turn back time,,but if it will make you feel better,,you can back-track what you can remember,and the more you write,the more that springs to your mind which encourages you to go on.
Although you can't forget the past,,it will help to write things down by way of getting it out of your system. Bad memories will eventually fade with time.You need all the strength you've got to face the future,so offload the past on paper. Your mum might be gone,,but she'll never be forgotten.