that is so true... and that is why I never spoke up....the first person I told was my brother mike, on Christmas day one year...and no I was drunk..it slipped out by accident and I wouldn't say all. He couldn't respond maybe through shock and realisation of what id said. At the same time, Christmas 1999 I was shown absolute proof that "Fred" had been involved with the wrongful incarceration of my brother Mike. I suppose it was a starting point to release something of all the pressure and silence. I never spoke again about what had happened, even though mike asked and assured me things would be ok. it wasn't till 2012 that for no reason at all, no prompting at all that I was attending a medical appointment at the local hospital in our area and my husband was with me. I had entered the consultants room, (By this stage this consultant had been caring for me since 2004). The consultant just said "How are things?" and that was it, i burst into tears and it just rolled out. I sobbed so hard I felt so weak, but both him and my husband just sat there in disbelief. From that appointment forward the consultant has taken every step to help me cope and still I haven't let every thing that happened come out. At times the flashbacks come wave after wave, the feelings are so intense, some days I could pass out with the feelings that start to surface. I don't any other way to describe it. I am permanently weak down one side of my body, no one knows if this is to do with stress or a suggested diagnosis.. I cope the best way I can..some members of my family are now aware of what happened but others have no idea. one day maybe I will be able to get more out..
