Here's AE's daughter eulogy to her grandmother: PE:
(I have highlighted the word 'blood' twice which is referred to in terms of family ties)
https://pamelaboutflour.muchloved.com/Lifestories/644391340?_gl=1*e7tbq6*_up*MQ..*_ga*NTY2ODA4MTE1LjE3NzA1NDQ5NDY.*_ga_R0559FN1H6*czE3NzA1NDQ5NDYkbzEkZzEkdDE3NzA1NDQ5NzkkajI3JGwwJGgw
Janie’s Eulogy for Grandma
Janie
24 September 2021
Grandma’s Eulogy
Thank you all for coming and traveling here today.
A loving wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother, great grandmother & friend. Pamela Boutflour or Pammy as many of us Knew her as. This is a celebration of the long life of a wonderful lady.
Grandma had tremendous energy and such enthusiasm for life. She was an inspiration to us all.
Grandma was born at Vaulty Manor Farm in Goldhanger on the 25th October 1920. Her Proud parents were Mabel & Leslie Speakman. Pam was the eldest daughter, her sister; June was born 4 years later. It was a mixed farm, being arable and dairy. There were 2 herds of cows, 1 being kept at Gardeners farm on the marshes and one kept at Vaulty.
Grandma was brought up with cousins Betty & Bink Bunting as sisters as their mother had died after child birth. Grandma’s other cousins were Doug, Joyce, Keith, Tony, Pat, Don & Audrey. She had a wonderful, happy childhood, surrounded by all her cousins that lived locally on neighbouring farms.
As a youngster grandma, would swim from the beach huts at Joyces Farm, Highams Farm and Osea. Swimming amongst the mud flats and marshes.
Grandma, Audrey & June would have dance classes together. There are pictures of the 3 girls hanging on the walls at Carbonells. She would tell us of the wonderful times she had on Osea island where her uncle Jack farmed. He had a famous sailing barge called “Dirk” which she and her cousins would often crew for. Once playing hide and seek on Osea island, when she was only about 5 or 6 grandma and her friend Freddie Cunningham decided to hide in a feed bin- they thought that no one would find them there but the lid fell shut as the catch locked. She said that they were so frightened and screamed and shouted, and thankfully someone found them.
Grandpa Speakman and Colonel Round of Birch Park and Birch Estate in Colchester were great friends with grandpa Speakman regularly shooting on the estate and attending dinner parties. Grandma once took ownership of one of Colonel Rounds horses and rode it all the way from Birch Park back to Vaulty Manor. The flowers you see here today displayed in the church and decorating grandma’s coffin are all from Birch walled flower garden which was attached to those original stables. The flowers from Birch Park are often used for weddings at Vaulty Manor and when I brought flowers to grandma they were always from my garden, the garden at Vaulty or from Birch Park.
Grandma was brought up to help on the farm. She used to help gather the crops in and she used to help with the milking of the cows. She also drove the tractors. There were also chickens and turkeys to look after. Grandma attended Maldon Grammar School where she attained her matriculation. She was always good at sport and was captain of the hockey and tennis team at school. Along with Vaulty Manor farm and Gardeners Farm grandma’s father; Leslie Speakman farmed Charity Farm in Goldhanger and White House Farm in Tolleshunt D’Arcy when mum and dad moved into White House farm, Grandma told them about each field on the farm and what type of soil it was and which fields could “burn up” which means the soil could get very dry as it was stony. She could tell them this because she had worked all of these fields. Grandma also had a field in Tollesbury. Grandma had unbound energy, she was very hard working and full of life, and she had a lovely smile. She had her principals and didn’t take fools gladly. She had a mind of her own, and would say just what she thought.
There was an incident where someone stole some turkeys from the farm at Vaulty Manor here quoted from an original copy that I have: (I shall read the copy)
Another example of grandma’s true grit and determination was told to mum by Alf Fakes who used to work on the farm at Vaulty. He said that the neighbouring farm, Cobbs Farm was at that time owned by a Mr Pledgers during the war. The farmer was ill during the war where he had some type of breakdown and was not to be approached and was unpredictable as he had a gun, others where frightened to approach him about his harvest as it needed to be got in as the weather was turning. Grandma ignored all warnings and she set out with George Hull on the tractor and herself on the binderand they went into Mr Pledgers field and they DID get his harvest in for HIM. Alf said that she was very brave to have done this. Alf also said that grandma was a very good worker for a girl! Alf had many stories about how he worked the fields with grandma, and grandma thought of Alf Fakes as a very loyal farm worker and she said that she would always find Alf work and a home to live in even if he ever retired from the farm. She kept her word because she put him in Vaulty to look after the house, when her mother died then making him warden at Osea Leisure Park where he lived in a bungalow for the rest of his life.
Grandma attended Battersea Polytechnic where she studied cooking and Housekeeping, she became a cook at Colchester Hospital for some time between helping on the farm and I believe she used to drive ambulance some time.
Grandma used to play tennis on the front lawn at Vaulty Manor. Bobby Boutflour was appointed Executive Assistant to Ralph Saddler in the Essex War Agricultural Committee. By 1945 he had been promoted to district officer for Maldon & Chelmsford. On one particular day in 1945 Grandma was playing tennis when she saw a head pop up from behind a door to watch the enthralling game. This was the 1st gesture that signalled the start of a 65-year relationship. Supposed to be chairing a farmersmeeting at Vaulty Manor grandpa seemed to be more interested in something or somebody else. From this moment their love story began. Grandma and grandpa were married January 11th 1947 and lived at “Cock Farm” Little Baddow. David was dully born on the 15th October that year.
Leslie Speakman had a farm at Wix called Carbonells. Leslie had always wanted a piece of Tendring Hundred farmland which had a reputation of being “very good land”. Grandma & Grandpa moved into Carbonells Farm and Ann was born in 1949. Farmed together with Burnt Ash Farm, the farm was a mixed farm. Grandpa tended the crops and grandma had chickens and turkeys as her mother did before her. There was an incubator shed to the side of the house, Chickens were hatched, Chicks were put in the sheds in the meadows with paraffin lamps. The chicks grew into hens and the hens’ laid eggs which grandma use to collect and the egg marketing board collected them to be sold. The turkeys were for the Christmas table. They ran freely in the meadows and they were shut up at night time in a huge structure in the middle of the meadows to protect them from the foxes.
There was a house cow in a shed next to the house. The cow was called “Poppy” she was a Guernsey cow. Poppy had to be milked every day and the milk was brought into the house and poured into shallow bowls in the dairy. These bowls were skimmed to collect the cream and the milk was put into a shallow churn for kitchen use. Then grandma used to make butter from the cream.
Another shed outside was where the Labrador dogswere kept. Grandpa used to love his shooting and they used to breed puppies from the Labrador bitches, Goldie, Lassie & Sandy. There was anorchard next to the house at Carbonells. Grandma had apples, pear and plum trees, raspberry bushes and strawberries. The strawberries were Royal Sovereign. She used to can & bottle the surplus fruit and keep it in the larder for use in the winter months. This was a time before deep freezers! There was an allotment in the farmyard. Grandma had her own plot where she used to grow vegetables especially asparagus. She shared this allotment with the foreman and the other men that worked on the farm. They shared a big orange rotavator. This is one of the places where grandma lost oner of her wedding rings as she lost quite a few over the years!
There have been several students & au pair girls that have stayed a Carbonells to learn how to farm. Grandma had kept up with them all. Even holding a wedding reception for one of them, being Peter Belither and Pauline Lister. Sybbie was grandma’s housekeeper and was always in the house helping grandma, I think there was a secret competition of who’s Victoria sponge was the best. Sybbies weddingwas also in the gardens at Carbonells and Sybbie and grandma remained lifelong friends.
Grandma used to drive the farm lorry. A green “Morris” to put David and Ann in the school bus at Wix and to collect them in the afternoon.
Grandma and Grandpa have had a beach hut at Wrabness since the 1940’s. This is where Grandma used to go every day in the summer time. Because the beach hut isn’t very far from the farm she could just ‘pop down’ for a bathe. Grandpa could join her at lunch time between harvesting. Grandma Boutflour had a beach hut at Wrabness as well. It has been a place for many happy friends and family get togethers. In latter years her very closest of friends;Betty Harvey and Grandma spent many happy sunny afternoons bathing and playing scrabble. When Bathing Grandma was famous for her bathing hats and the water was never cold it was “fresh”.
Grandma had strong Christian beliefs. She loved her little church in Wix. Grandpa was the church warden here for several years. Grandma used to be on the rota for the church flowers. She used to arrange the flowers; her garden was spectacular. She loved her garden and could name all the plants and roses. Right to the end of her life the lower oval flower bed was still planted as normal with her beloved geraniums. I remember the many years we would meet up at Osea Leisure Park to plant seasonal geraniums together.Grandma used to have a catalogue of bulbs every year and send away for a special collection for her garden and some to give to her friends and family. Telling us what they were and where to plant them. The flowers from her garden would be used to decorate Wix church. The other day when I brough her flowers she asked me “Have you arranged them?” over and over again.
Grandma has been an active director of the family caravan park at “Osea Leisure Park” since the early 1950’s. She wanted to create a place by the sea side where families could come and enjoy their holidays in beautiful surroundings and where children could run freely and enjoy the pleasures of the river and the beach and saltiness of the river Blackwater as she had done as a child.
Grandma instilled in me the love of the land and sea, understanding the values of farming and also the values of what she and great grandma have created all those very many years ago. I truly believe that the little slice of heaven that great grandma Speakman decided to turn into a holiday park in 1933 that then grandma carried on those true values of family fun and friendship carry on through this generation to the next. My knowledge of flora & fauna, my knowledge of sea birds and sea grass and my deep-down drive to keep Osea within our blood lines and that the next generation will understand the values that have been deep inside each generation thus far are carried on into the future.
My proudest moment other than the birth of my two children is when I went to Carbonells on the 20th July 2015 and sat down next to grandma held onto her hand and told grandma that we had just bought back Vaulty, after it had left the family in the early 1990’s. Grandma turned to me with the hugest of smiles I have ever seen on her face, and said “what my Vaulty” then asked if children would be running around the front lawns of Vaulty again, her grandchildren? We both then hugged and cried.
Grandma had good friends in Wix. Neighbouring farmers such as Theo Speely, Elsie Robinson and Kath Whitworth, and contacts through the church. She was also a member of the mother’s union. Wixfete was also important to her and she often ran thecake stall.
Carbonells has always welcomed friends and relations with open arms. The kettle was always on and a piece of cake was always on offer.
Douglas Lott had been involved with the installing of some of the farm equipment. He Lived in Palmers Green in London. He fell in love with Carbonellsfarm and Wrabness beach and asked if he may put a small caravan in the field next to the garden. Douglas & Audrey used this as their holiday escape, they remained good friends for all of their lives. Douglas and Audrey even moved out of London to live locally.
Grandma and Grandpas holiday escape would be in the last week in May every year, when grandma and grandpa travelled to Scotland where Grandpa had acquired a time share on the river Dee, Grandma & Grandpa used to pack the car up and drive all the way. They would stop at Clumber park for a picnic lunch. Then they would stop at Jed forest for the night and continue on that lovely “up and down road” to Edinburgh. They would go over Cairn ‘OMount, stop and look at the View before getting to the Potarch bridge to check the water level and to smell the pine filled highland air. They would then arrive at the Balnacoil Hotel and latterly to Jim & Elizabeth Thorburns. Friends and Family would be invited on this wonderful salmon fishing holiday. My brother William often accompanied Grandma and Grandpa and William still fishes there now with us. Of course, this May holiday caused Grandma concerns of leaving her precious garden as the weeds grew a lot in May.
This was a lovely, happy family until tragedy struckon the 7th to 8th August 1985. Grandmas beloved sister June, Brother-in-Law Neville, Niece and goddaughter Shelia and her beautiful twin boys Nicholas and Daniel were murdered. This was a terrible loss of loved ones and is still very difficult to cope with.
Then tragedy struck again in 1998 when on the 31stJuly our cousin, brother, son and grandmas and grandpas darling grandson Simon died in a terrible accident on the farm. Neither of them got over the heart break especially grandpa.
Grandpa succumbed to that dreadful disease Alzheimer’s and passed away on the 11th July 2010. This left a huge void in our family, especially in grandma’s.
Grandma and Grandpa used to love watching ‘countdown’. Grandpa used to solve the mathematic problems and grandma used to solve the spelling problems. Since Grandpa died, Grandma has relied on friends and family to keep her company. Grandma had a stroke a few years ago and it was then that the family saw that she needed more care. She got over the stroke remarkably quickly having lost her ‘swallow’. In the last few years all of the carers have had to play scrabble with Grandma. She was always very good at scrabble. We knew that there was something wrong when she stopped playing.
Because Grandma has lived for so long, nearly 101 years she has seen so many of her friends pass away. “There’s no one left” she would say. Other friends have been so good at visiting and helping grandma since then as she would say “No – one comes to visit, I am lonely” But she did not want to go in to a home!!!
When we did visit her – she would be so pleased and that lovely smile greeted us, then she would feel tired and she would say “nice seeing you bye-bye now!”
As a family we did keep grandma at her home Carbonells which she loved so much. She did have avery short spell in the same care home that looked after grandpa so well at Watersiew while we arranged for live in care at home. We will all cherish the last few days and hours we had with grandma before we lost her on the 15th September with all her family and great grandchildren coming to say their final fair wells. There were many many more stories that I can tell, that grandma has recited to us over the years. She had a long and fruitful life unfortunately tarred with family tragedies. I have always thought in the most tiring and testing of times of grandma of her grit and determination through any of life’s storms, and deep inside that Speakman and Bunting bloodvery much runs true.
We would like to thank all of her carers especially Kerry and Jay that were with her in her last days and hours. They showed so much care and compassion towards grandma.
Grandma is now able to be with her beloved Bobby again.
And on grandma’s behalf I would like to say
“Nice seeing you bye bye now”
