Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?"They can't stand seeing a man have a good time"...
Q: What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?"Her navel"...
Q: Why do men die before their wives?"They want to"...
Q: What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?"Money"...
what is it that is hot and steaming and comes out of cows ?
the Isle of Wight ferry
what is it that is hot and steaming and comes out of cows ?
the Isle of Wight ferry
I don´t understand the last one! :-[ Maybe you have to be English?Cows (Cowes) is a ferry port on the Isle of Wight. The ferry comes out of Cowes every day to go to the port of Southampton on the south coast of England. It's a play on words. But only if the Cowes ferry boat is a "steamboat". ;D
Cows (Cowes) is a ferry port on the Isle of Wight. The ferry comes out of Cowes every day to go to the the port of Southampton on the south coast of England. It's a play on words. But only if the Cowes ferry boat is a "steamboat". ;D
I don´t understand the last one! :-[ Maybe you have to be English?
I interpreted it as poo? ;D
Yes Alias, you do, BUT the "hot and steamy stuff which comes out of cows" is milk, yes? HOWEVER there is a place on the Isle of Wight called COWES (pronounced "cows") and the ferry which comes out of it can, loosely, be said to be "hot and steamy"..............I hope that explains it :D
I interpreted it as poo? ;D
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.
They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop”.
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans"
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.
The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show
off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather
perplexed
by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's my Speaking Clock", the man replied.
"How does it work?", asked the guest.
"I'll show you",the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with
an unpadded hammer.
Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
"For f**ks sake, it's twenty to two in the f*c*ing morning!"
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them out load);D That one's Northern Irish.
1)That's not right Sum
Ting Wong
2)Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding
3)See me ASAP Kum
Hia Noa
4)Stupied Man Dum
Fuk
5)Small Horse Tai
Ni Po Ni
6)Did you go to the beach? Wai Yus So Tan
7)I bumped into a coffee table Ai Bang Mai Fa
Kin Ni
8)I think u need a face lift Chin Tu Fat
9)It's very darl in here Wao So
Dim
10)I thought you were on a diet Wai Yu Mun Ching
11)This is a tow away zone No Pah King
12)Our meeting is scheduled for next week Wai Yu Kum Nao
13)Staying out of sight Lei Ying
Lo
14)He's cleaning his automobile Wa Shing Ka
15)Your Body odor is offensive Yu Stin Ki Po
16)Great
Fa Kin Su Pah
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son;D ;D
playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you bastards who want
off, get the hell off now, 'cos this is the last stop! And all of you
b*stards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, 'cos we're going
down the tracks."
The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for
TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you
to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his
train. Soon the train stopped & the mother
heard her son say,"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please
remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for
travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask
you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is
no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing
journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
p*ssed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat b*tch in the
kitchen."
Are ethnic jokes permitted on this forum I know a few irish jokesThe best tellers of Irish jokes are the Irish themselves. I learned a load of them when in Ireland. But have forgotten them. ;D
this Irishman wanted to break a world record, he intended to cross the Atlantic on a plank, but he can't find one long enough !;D Or the Englishman who swam the English channel in 8 hours and swam back in 5 seconds. He got his braces caught in the jetty.
I once met Frank Carson at Liverpool Airport,on my way to the Isle of Man,,and he was so friendly and funny too. He asked me if I was coming,going,or had I been,,but it was the way he said it and laughed.That's where my joke came from lookout. ;D
Hello lookout thought at first he had asked you out on a date. ;D ;D ;D
Susan, Frank's accent was a bit baffling . I remember seeing on tv some people walking out after a joke about the Falkand Islands.
bye the way I know some jokes that are rather rude--too rude to repeat in respectable company
this Irishman was having a quiet drink in a pup when his mobile rang. He yelled into it "how did you know I was here?
Grahame very funny was not expecting that answer ;D ;D ;D Wonder if Adam knows any jokes. Careful april if you are reading ;D ;D ;D
A couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar homes.
On the third tee, the husband said, “Honey be very careful when you drive the ball. Don’t knock out any windows, it will cost a fortune to fix.”
The wife teed off and shanked it right through the window off the biggest house on the course.
The husband cringed and said, “I told you to watch out for the houses. Lets go apologize, and see how much this is going to cost.”
They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, “Come in.”
They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer. A man sitting on the couch said, “Are you the people that broke that window?”
“Yes, sorry about that,” the husband replied.
“No actually I want to thank you. I’m a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. You released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll give you each one wish and keep one for myself.”
“OK, great!” the husband said. “I want a million dollars a year for life.”
“No problem, its the least I could do. And you, what do you want?” the genie said, looking at the wife.
“I want a house in every country in the world,” said the wife.
“Consider it done,” the genie replied.
“And what is your wish, genie?” the husband asked.
“Well since I have been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”
The husband looked at the wife and said, “Well we did get a lot of money, and all those houses, honey. I guess I don’t care.” It was OK with the wife too.
The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours. After it was over the, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”
“He’s 35 and I’m 33,” she replied.
“35 eh? And you both still believe in genies?".
Two irishmen heading home from the pub on a friday night...Whats that lying there says
Murphy, looking at the wee brown ball on the pavement, It looks like dope says O,Connell
picking it up, he squeeses it. smells it, and throws it down fast saying, shit man its dog's
poo....Geesus says Murphy aren't you lucky ya didn't stand on it...
Hi Grahame thats a cracker ;D ;D ;D ;D
Did you know that there are twice as many eyebrows as there are people in the world?
some women have their eyebrows removed, so I think that a recount would be in orderSome have them tattood back on. Very popular in China apparently.
Some have them tattood back on. Very popular in China apparently.
What's the difference between God and Bono?
God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono.