Re: Was adoption an issue in the murders?

[Jane]

I have read the Primal Wound and am very aware of the problems of adoption.  I am not disagreeing with you on most levels but just pointing out that in the case of Sheila and Jeremy the fact that Nevill and June were unable to emote with them, speak about their loss of their natural mother, their difficulties etc as they were growing up it cannot have helped them to bond deeply as a family.  It is probable that neither Nevill or June had childhoods filled with unconditional love which can't have set them up to be confident loving parents to any child.

Nevill was himself sent away to school at a young age and it seems the devil stalked the young life of June via her mother, hardly surprising that she ended up with her own psychiatric ill health.

However adoption is not always a disaster, it is possible for adoptees to grow up secure and self confident if they have parents able to instill self belief and self esteem in them and an extended family who are loving and accepting of them as a natural members of the family.

Nevill and June -unquestionably- were good and worthy people. Sadly, like many others, for all their many attribute, they lacked emotional intelligence. It would never have occurred to them that their adopted children would feel rejected by their birth mothers. Why would they when Nevill could provide them with everything necessary for good and successful lives?

[susan]

Thank you Susan, Sheila was so desperately ill to carry out the murders

Jackie I agree with you one hundred percent a person would indeed have to be ill to murder in such a brutal way especially her own two boys and as far as I am aware Jeremy was a tad arrogant and immature but did not suffer mental health issues.

[Caroline]

Yes we never got a full tale of their conversation in any of the books. I think Sheila was initially happy with the encounter but we will never know the effect on her after they parted for the second time.

As far as Colin stated, the meeting did go well, there is no reason why Sheila would feel rejected and this claim that she was rejected by Coin seems to be just that - there is never any source for the claim and until someone finds a definitive reference, it's just empty.

[maggie]

Nevill and June -unquestionably- were good and worthy people. Sadly, like many others, for all their many attribute, they lacked emotional intelligence. It would never have occurred to them that their adopted children would feel rejected by their birth mothers. Why would they when Nevill could provide them with everything necessary for good and successful lives?

I know adoptive parents with a similar attitude, middle class and financially very comfortable, loving but in some areas disappointed, who believe they did the natural mother a favour.   Personally I will always be thankful to the natural mother for trusting me with her beautiful child.

[susan]

I know adoptive parents with a similar attitude, middle class and financially very comfortable, loving but in some areas disappointed, who believe they did the natural mother a favour.   Personally I will always be thankful to the natural mother for trusting me with her beautiful child.

Maggie any child could not wish for a better Mother than you I think you are a natural X

[maggie]

Maggie any child could not wish for a better Mother than you I think you are a natural X

Thank you susan, you are very kind, it's just seems obvious enough.... the child comes before yourself, their needs are paramount     It's what we all do as best we can.

[Jane]

I know adoptive parents with a similar attitude, middle class and financially very comfortable, loving but in some areas disappointed, who believe they did the natural mother a favour.   Personally I will always be thankful to the natural mother for trusting me with her beautiful child.

They don't just believe they're doing the natural mother a favour. One her child becomes theirs, she mostly is off their radar. The real tragedy is that they believe they're doing the child a favour and thus begins the debt which, because it gathers interest on a daily basis, can never be repaid.

[maggie]

They don't just believe they're doing the natural mother a favour. One her child becomes theirs, she mostly is off their radar. The real tragedy is that they believe they're doing the child a favour and thus begins the debt which, because it gathers interest on a daily basis, can never be repaid.

True 

[Jane]

True 

And may have been the reason for their disappointment in Sheila and Jeremy.

[nugnug]

weather it was or wasnt thers more or less only 2 suspects adnd they were both adopted so it doesnt really prove anything.

[Steve_uk]

As far as Colin stated, the meeting did go well, there is no reason why Sheila would feel rejected and this claim that she was rejected by Coin seems to be just that - there is never any source for the claim and until someone finds a definitive reference, it's just empty.

I'm not sure what she felt after the initial exhilaration wore off. Sheila would flit from one cause to another in life but I wonder after all those years spent with June whether this touched a chord none of us are aware of. Of course if the contents of the letters she wrote to her birth mother shortly before her death were disclosed we may be in a better position to form a judgement. http://jeremybamberforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=1989.0

[Jan]

Thank you susan, you are very kind, it's just seems obvious enough.... the child comes before yourself, their needs are paramount     It's what we all do as best we can.

What a lovely thing to say and I am sure it is true.