Misconceptions About Jeremys Upbringing

[Jane]

That's as maybe,but there are hundreds of children who are told that " they're different ",simply because they have a certain disease or illness as well ( which I think is wrong ) Where does the equality come in ? There is no need to tell any child that they're different, Special,would be the word that I'd use.
A child who is labelled different,has to then bear that stigma for the rest of its life and it's utterly wrong.
ALL children,to my mind are Special,but there are those who are a bit more so. Different is a horrible word.

Added to which, a child who doesn't receive positive reinforcement is likely, without help, to have a low sense of self worth, as you have noted with Sheila. It's just possible that the Bambers were so proud of their children that they were AFRAID to show TOO much overt affection in case they were criticized OR perhaps they took the view that if a child receives praise it gets conceited and "too big for it's boots". Whatever, it's the child who would have lost out..................but there were two children. Jeremy would probably have had similar experiences. You have used the word "NORMAL", I wonder on a scale of 1-10 how "normal" you believe was their upbringing, and would that be normal compared with other families or normal compared with other adopted children.

[maggie]

That's as maybe,but there are hundreds of children who are told that " they're different ",simply because they have a certain disease or illness as well ( which I think is wrong ) Where does the equality come in ? There is no need to tell any child that they're different, Special,would be the word that I'd use.
A child who is labelled different,has to then bear that stigma for the rest of its life and it's utterly wrong.
ALL children,to my mind are Special,but there are those who are a bit more so. Different is a horrible word.

I totally agree Lookout and many, many adopted children are considered extremely special by their parents.  it's true not all have always been and that is very sad and should never have happened and no child should ever be made to feel different.imo

[lookout]

I thought we were discussing JB? This is the JB forum.

I can see this becoming personal and going off the thread topic. I think we should stick to opinions regarding JB and his adoption.

Erm---" Misconceptions About Jeremys Upbringing " Yes,it's about JB. Yes,it's the JB forum !! Yes,it's indirectly about JB,referring to adoption. Got a problem ?

I WON'T be doing what YOU say,madam !

[susan]

Maggie when I was a child I was always told that children who were adopted were "special" because they had been chosen by their parents whereas such as I was just gotten

[Stephanie]

Erm---" Misconceptions About Jeremys Upbringing " Yes,it's about JB. Yes,it's the JB forum !! Yes,it's indirectly about JB,referring to adoption. Got a problem ?

I WON'T be doing what YOU say,madam !

I am not suggesting 'you do what I say' Lookout. What I am suggesting is that by generalising on this forum about your views and opinions on adoption you are no doubt going to hit a chord - thus turning the generalisations into something personal. I have witnessed it here on this forum in the past. This is what I am attempting to explain, you obviously have some sort of beef with me, as is evident from your response.

You call them special some call them normal others call them this and that and so on....

Caroline's post states JB says he was not affected by his adoption - some of us disagree with this and other misconceptions regarding his upbringing.

[lookout]

 I think it's a lovely expression,Susan. It's a more " attached " response.

I used to tell my mum I wasn't born,I was invented. So different from my brother.

[Stephanie]

Added to which, a child who doesn't receive positive reinforcement is likely, without help, to have a low sense of self worth, as you have noted with Sheila. It's just possible that the Bambers were so proud of their children that they were AFRAID to show TOO much overt affection in case they were criticized OR perhaps they took the view that if a child receives praise it gets conceited and "too big for it's boots". Whatever, it's the child who would have lost out..................but there were two children. Jeremy would probably have had similar experiences. You have used the word "NORMAL", I wonder on a scale of 1-10 how "normal" you believe was their upbringing, and would that be normal compared with other families or normal compared with other adopted children.

Exactly April - low self worth, under developed or over developed ego, a sense of entitlement.......

[Stephanie]

Maybe JB's next blog could go into detail about his adoption and how he felt about it. He certainly seems to want to avoid the subject. As was it evident in another case I'm familiar with. On the surface, family life appeared normal - based on the submissions made to the CCRC in the months leading up to the confession, it appeared to be anything but. The same for other disclosures made prior to the confession.

Appearances can be deceptive imo.

[maggie]

Maggie when I was a child I was always told that children who were adopted were "special" because they had been chosen by their parents whereas such as I was just gotten

Yes  Susie, you were common or garden.   When we adopted in the 1980s it was the practice to tell a child that they chose their parents as opposed to the other way round.  It was thought that telling a child he/she was chosen put too much pressure on them and cause them to feel they had to be 'grateful' and try to live up to an impossible ideal.

In the 1960s and 70s children usually didn't know they were adopted until like Sheila and Jeremy they were told, out of the blue, it was the way adoptees were told to do it and must have been very traumatic to the children and the parents involved, just an awful way to treat a child and awful thing for parents who loved their child to have to do.

I don't know what is suggested these days.  My children always knew they were loved because they were and children know if they are, I simply cannot understand how anyone can adopt a child and not love that child with a passion, makes no sense and is very cruel. imo

[Alias]

I have found that some adoptees are very eager to find their biological family, others simply don´t care. The same with people who don´t know their father, some try everything to find him and have contact, others are indifferent.

You really cannot generalize about this issue, people are vastly different.

[Jan]

I have found that some adoptees are very eager to find their biological family, others simply don´t care. The same with people who don´t know their father, some try everything to find him and have contact, others are indifferent.

You really cannot generalize about this issue, people are vastly different.

totally agree. Even within the same family, attitudes and effects can differ a lot. I have experience of that with my nieces.