Jeremy Bamber: the Prelude, the Tragedy and the Aftermath

[Jane]

When you're brought up in a family who are used to the finest trappings in life,the siblings usually follow suit as they grow older and the best of everything comes as second nature,so it comes as no surprise to me that both Sheila and Jeremy had the best that money could buy. To own a Cartier or Rolex watch would have been the norm. My pa-in-law owned a Rolex which he'd bought in 1953,and I've still got his gold Rotary watch which he wore doing the gardening ! Still going too. The Rolex had " vanished " after he'd died. ?
Nothing was bought on impulse in that household.It was how they lived.Wine,champagne was bought by the crate and not per bottle. This is why I can understand how the Bambers lived.
 

Whilst young celebs of today might sport up market watches, I refute, entirely, that either Jeremy or Sheila would have owned either Cartier or Rolex watches. To that end, I'm prepared to ask my friends -of the Bamber generation- AND their children who are comparable in age to Jeremy and Sheila, if they owned such watches. We are, after all, talking in terms of several thousand pounds. Such would not have been considered to be "age appropriate".

[Jane]

They did know how to enjoy themselves in what little leisure time they seemed to have, yet I still wonder about the lounge which we have never seen and the shabby chic furnishings throughout, not forgetting the oppressive atmosphere which made Sheila carve "I hate this place" into the wardrobe.

Steve, I think Lookout gives entirely the wrong impression of the Bambers when she speaks of "the best of everything". They didn't do "flash" and they certainly didn't do "bling". Neither do ANY of those who formed their friendship base. Whilst paintwork gets refreshed and soft furnishings replaced, nothing else ever changes. Everything is quiet and understated, from daily life to hobbies, interests and holidays, which are far more likely to be taken here, in England -either in genteel hotels in upmarket seaside towns or those further north for country pursuits- than exotic destinations further afield.

[Jane]

Time does tend to stand still in properties of the nature of WHF. A Georgian building with everything to match.None of your G-Plan furniture. Curtains were probably the heavy chintz,but as you say,we've never seen further than the kitchen and one bedroom.
It was an entirely different era in which the family had chosen to live in and one in which Sheila would certainly have felt stifled in and probably out of bounds for two boisterous children in case they knocked over a Dresden figurine or damaged the Meissen clock.
No pics of June with the boys,but a lovely one with Neville reading to them which they must have enjoyed. All they got from June was " Praise the Lord " ! No wonder they didn't like going there.

[Jane]

Time does tend to stand still in properties of the nature of WHF. A Georgian building with everything to match.None of your G-Plan furniture. Curtains were probably the heavy chintz,but as you say,we've never seen further than the kitchen and one bedroom.
It was an entirely different era in which the family had chosen to live in and one in which Sheila would certainly have felt stifled in and probably out of bounds for two boisterous children in case they knocked over a Dresden figurine or damaged the Meissen clock.
No pics of June with the boys,but a lovely one with Neville reading to them which they must have enjoyed. All they got from June was " Praise the Lord " ! No wonder they didn't like going there.

Lookout, whilst I entirely concur with the first part of your post, the family didn't live in an era any different from that lived in by all their friends. The chances are that Sheila and Jeremy didn't understand that any other type of life existed. ALL children were bought up with the generational Dresden and Meissen which MAY have been in rooms other than family rooms OR kept out of children's reach. As usual, I think you're being overly hard on June.

[Jane]

I'm not denying she had suffered from a mental illness and she may have found it difficult to show her feelings at times but I think people are too hard on her when they realy don't know what she was like. She was a victim and she had a dreadful death. I feel for June, I also accept we are both adoptive mothers which means I identify with her and maybe think I understAnd her better than others on some level, even if I don't.   I feel I have to stand up for June.

Maggie, you know I have no reason on God's earth to support what you say here, but as I'm not emotionally involved in THIS particular situation, I'm with you 100%.

[maggie]

Maggie, you know I have no reason on God's earth to support what you say here, but as I'm not emotionally involved in THIS particular situation, I'm with you 100%.

Hello Jane  as we know from very different experiences, adoptive mothers are as diverse as natural mothers in their ability to love and nurture a child.

Generally by the very nature of adoption the baby/young child of an adoptive mother has already suffered the trauma of separation and therefore are in need of at least as much, if not more extroverted love. 

I am not for one moment condoning coldness or cruelty towards a child, such behaviour is hard to comprehend, in some ways even more so from a woman who was willing to go through the vetting process of adoption but we know it happens.

It's easy to point the finger and quotes out of context don't always tell the true story imo. I am not saying June should be canonized,  but rather that she shouldn't have to be the whipping boy blamed for everything, an easy target.

I have known more adoptive mothers than most and they are as diverse as any other collection of mothers.
Recently I have learned that a close friend and also an adoptive mum has been telling her daughter all her life that she 'should be grateful' they adopted her.  ..... strangely they also are genteel and God fearing middle class with antiques on the mantel.  So you just never can tell.

[Jane]

Hello Jane  as we know from very different experiences, adoptive mothers are as diverse as natural mothers in their ability to love and nurture a child.

Generally by the very nature of adoption the baby/young child of an adoptive mother has already suffered the trauma of separation and therefore are in need of at least as much, if not more extroverted love. 

I am not for one moment condoning coldness or cruelty towards a child, such behaviour is hard to comprehend, in some ways even more so from a woman who was willing to go through the vetting process of adoption but we know it happens.

It's easy to point the finger and quotes out of context don't always tell the true story imo. I am not saying June should be canonized,  but rather that she shouldn't have to be the whipping boy blamed for everything, an easy target.

I have known more adoptive mothers than most and they are as diverse as any other collection of mothers.
Recently I have learned that a close friend and also an adoptive mum has been telling her daughter all her life that she 'should be grateful' they adopted her.  ..... strangely they also are genteel and God fearing middle class with antiques on the mantel.  So you just never can tell.

Haha! Well, there ya go, Maggie. Concrete proof that the "gratitude" card is played to we "adopteds" by ALL genteel and God fearing ect's.................along with some of those who aspire to be.

[lookout]

Believe me-------I've met a few " Christians " in my life-time ! Take that which ever way you want to.

[Jane]

Believe me-------I've met a few " Christians " in my life-time ! Take that which ever way you want to.

What makes you think you're the only one, Lookout. Whether it be religion, a political party or a football team, there are all sorts within it. Regarding Christianity, those who live their faith are rather different from those who merely profess to.

[maggie]

Haha! Well, there ya go, Maggie. Concrete proof that the "gratitude" card is played to we "adopteds" by ALL genteel and God fearing ect's.................along with some of those who aspire to be.

I thought you would appreciate that.
Think I've just shot my own argument/opinion right between the eyes.

[maggie]

How can it be other than about me when it's me telling you about my past ? Who else can tell anything about me ?

Oh here we go. Lack of empathy raises its ugly head again  If it's not that,it's something else.
I would have said,making comparisons,that my life involving my birth mother wasn't that much different to what you have to say.
I'm trying to put over that your own " hard done by " life wasn't only toward those who were adopted. I've known some adopted people who were/are by far happier than I was when I was old enough to look back.

That is very true Lookout a secure and loving childhood is the most important thing in any persons life and can pretty much heal the primal wound of adoption.
A safe and secure childhood is a human right and it is tragic  how many children don't get this, in many different ways.

[Stephanie]

I have learned that a close friend and also an adoptive mum has been telling her daughter all her life that she 'should be grateful' they adopted her.  ..... strangely they also are genteel and God fearing middle class with antiques on the mantel.  So you just never can tell.

I knew someone who once blogged those exact words.

IMO comments such as this do not show a child love, they have the opposite affect.

The following may be of interest http://psychology.about.com/od/childcare/f/authoritarian-parenting.htm

[Stephanie]

Where have my posts gone?

[maggie]

Where have my posts gone?

Can you read the message I put up?

I removed the posts for consideration of someone's privacy.

PM me if it is a problem but I shall be out for the rest of the afternoon.  cheers

[Stephanie]

Can you read the message I put up?

I removed the posts for consideration of someone's privacy.

PM me if it is a problem but I shall be out for the rest of the afternoon.  cheers

No I can't see any message other than the one I'm replying to? 

This post could be misinterpreted to read that I've not considered someone's privacy