Author Topic: What would you do ?  (Read 103 times)

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Offline Jan

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What would you do ?
« on: July 29, 2017, 08:46:PM »
I have a family friend who has a young daughter his name is on the birth certificate . He sees his daughter very regularly but is not with the mother .

Social services have been involved with the mother and have called him to see what he knows but is scared to say anything because he thinks she would stop him seeing his daughter and also thenpartneres new boyfriend is into drug dealing and ver y aggressive.

He had a phone call from a friend of the mother telling him his daughter is not being looked after  for example not food in the house  mouldy dirty clothes and screaming every night .apparently the police have been called to the house because of her crying. Also the mother has been leaving his daughter with people she hardly knows.

He really does not know what to do . I told him to go to a solicitor first to make sure he is legally in the best position perhaps he needs to get official shared access?

He is worried she might get taken into care and not sure if he would get access but is scared to report what he thinks is going on . I thought about reporting it anonymously but I don't know all the full facts . It's so sad .

Offline susan

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2017, 08:54:PM »
I have a family friend who has a young daughter his name is on the birth certificate . He sees his daughter very regularly but is not with the mother .

Social services have been involved with the mother and have called him to see what he knows but is scared to say anything because he thinks she would stop him seeing his daughter and also thenpartneres new boyfriend is into drug dealing and ver y aggressive.

He had a phone call from a friend of the mother telling him his daughter is not being looked after  for example not food in the house  mouldy dirty clothes and screaming every night .apparently the police have been called to the house because of her crying. Also the mother has been leaving his daughter with people she hardly knows.

He really does not know what to do . I told him to go to a solicitor first to make sure he is legally in the best position perhaps he needs to get official shared access?

He is worried she might get taken into care and not sure if he would get access but is scared to report what he thinks is going on . I thought about reporting it anonymously but I don't know all the full facts . It's so sad .

Jan very difficult situation think I would contact the girl's Mother and try and get full custody of the child she probably only wants her for the money she gets he should tell her she can keep the allowances he just wants to take care of the child.  If you did report it Jan they would pay a visit to the house that may help it is very sad.

Offline Jan

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2017, 09:06:PM »
Jan very difficult situation think I would contact the girl's Mother and try and get full custody of the child she probably only wants her for the money she gets he should tell her she can keep the allowances he just wants to take care of the child.  If you did report it Jan they would pay a visit to the house that may help it is very sad.

It's difficult because I only know about the circumstances 3rd hand and really want to make sure the father knows his rights first. I think he can get a free session with a family solicitor. So perhaps he can put on the record what he knows in case something happens later.

You are right about the money as as soon as she got pregnant she told him she would be better off without him.

You feel like you want to help but don't want to interfere either .

Offline maggie

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2017, 09:06:PM »
I have a family friend who has a young daughter his name is on the birth certificate . He sees his daughter very regularly but is not with the mother .

Social services have been involved with the mother and have called him to see what he knows but is scared to say anything because he thinks she would stop him seeing his daughter and also thenpartneres new boyfriend is into drug dealing and ver y aggressive.

He had a phone call from a friend of the mother telling him his daughter is not being looked after  for example not food in the house  mouldy dirty clothes and screaming every night .apparently the police have been called to the house because of her crying. Also the mother has been leaving his daughter with people she hardly knows.

He really does not know what to do . I told him to go to a solicitor first to make sure he is legally in the best position perhaps he needs to get official shared access?

He is worried she might get taken into care and not sure if he would get access but is scared to report what he thinks is going on . I thought about reporting it anonymously but I don't know all the full facts . It's so sad .
Jan, have sent you a pm

Offline maggie

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2017, 09:09:PM »
It's difficult because I only know about the circumstances 3rd hand and really want to make sure the father knows his rights first. I think he can get a free session with a family solicitor. So perhaps he can put on the record what he knows in case something happens later.

You are right about the money as as soon as she got pregnant she told him she would be better off without him.

You feel like you want to help but don't want to interfere either .
The problem with not interfering is that something dreadful could be happening or may happen to the child.

Offline maggie

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2017, 09:14:PM »
I have a family friend who has a young daughter his name is on the birth certificate . He sees his daughter very regularly but is not with the mother .

Social services have been involved with the mother and have called him to see what he knows but is scared to say anything because he thinks she would stop him seeing his daughter and also thenpartneres new boyfriend is into drug dealing and ver y aggressive.

He had a phone call from a friend of the mother telling him his daughter is not being looked after  for example not food in the house  mouldy dirty clothes and screaming every night .apparently the police have been called to the house because of her crying. Also the mother has been leaving his daughter with people she hardly knows.

He really does not know what to do . I told him to go to a solicitor first to make sure he is legally in the best position perhaps he needs to get official shared access?

He is worried she might get taken into care and not sure if he would get access but is scared to report what he thinks is going on . I thought about reporting it anonymously but I don't know all the full facts . It's so sad .
Why wouldn't he be allowed to see her?  He hasn't done anything wrong and if social services asked him for information this can be done on the understanding that his name isn't mentioned.  Would he be abe to have custody of the child because he can do this and if the mother doesn't pay her share and turn up to court she will lose custody of her daughter anyway.  He certainly needs to find out his rights and imo take steps to look after his daughter. 

Offline Jan

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2017, 09:16:PM »
The problem with not interfering is that something dreadful could be happening or may happen to the child.

I know I have been looking at the nspcc site and you can report anomously on there and they get in touch with ss .

I think I should tell him to go to a solicitor quickly and then decide what to do .

Or he could ask someone to report it for him .

Offline Jane J

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #7 on: July 29, 2017, 09:27:PM »
I know I have been looking at the nspcc site and you can report anomously on there and they get in touch with ss .

I think I should tell him to go to a solicitor quickly and then decide what to do .

Or he could ask someone to report it for him .

Is there not some kind of independent family mediation service your friend can apply to? If it goes to court this is likely to be what the court will put in place but court proceedings can take time and social workers are snowed under.

Offline Jan

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #8 on: July 29, 2017, 09:49:PM »
Is there not some kind of independent family mediation service your friend can apply to? If it goes to court this is likely to be what the court will put in place but court proceedings can take time and social workers are snowed under.

He needs to go to a solicitor first and he will get one free session. but then if they advice him to go for official shared access theywill have to go to mediation first . If she agreed then it is just a matter of filling in some forms , if she refuses to go to mediation it will look bad on her , but she might do that as she will know he can't afford the court fees

I think he wants to let social services know what is going on but does not want to do it and then she refuses access. It could get nasty.

I think unfortunately he will have to take it one step at a time , and in the meantime perhaps the girl that told him all that was going on might even report it herself who knows .

Offline Jan

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #9 on: July 29, 2017, 09:51:PM »
What annoys me slightly is that there are two grandmothers here who know what is going on , her mother is bad news and the fathers mother just seems not to want to get involved. If it was my granddaughter I would be going in trying to help if I could .

Offline maggie

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #10 on: July 29, 2017, 09:58:PM »
What annoys me slightly is that there are two grandmothers here who know what is going on , her mother is bad news and the fathers mother just seems not to want to get involved. If it was my granddaughter I would be going in trying to help if I could .
I cannot understand that Jan, a 3 year old child is so vulnerable and so precious, I would report them myself if I knew who they were.. 

Offline maggie

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #11 on: July 29, 2017, 10:01:PM »
He needs to go to a solicitor first and he will get one free session. but then if they advice him to go for official shared access theywill have to go to mediation first . If she agreed then it is just a matter of filling in some forms , if she refuses to go to mediation it will look bad on her , but she might do that as she will know he can't afford the court fees

I think he wants to let social services know what is going on but does not want to do it and then she refuses access. It could get nasty.

I think unfortunately he will have to take it one step at a time , and in the meantime perhaps the girl that told him all that was going on might even report it herself who knows .
I think if she won't go to mediation or pay her part then the court will find in his favour, wish I could remember the whole process.

Offline Jane J

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #12 on: July 30, 2017, 10:03:AM »
I think if she won't go to mediation or pay her part then the court will find in his favour, wish I could remember the whole process.

Last year -surprising as it may seem to one or two here 8)- I qualified as a mediator. MOST cases are reasonably straight forward to deal with but where social workers/police are involved it's very possible that they will sit in on mediation sessions. If mediation fails -and there are no guarantees- the case is referred back to the courts. Mediators prefer this not to happen as it's often a long and drawn out process where the possible outcome is that NEITHER party will like the outcome. Mediation gives both parties the chance of getting their needs met.

Offline Jan

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #13 on: July 30, 2017, 07:43:PM »
Last year -surprising as it may seem to one or two here 8)- I qualified as a mediator. MOST cases are reasonably straight forward to deal with but where social workers/police are involved it's very possible that they will sit in on mediation sessions. If mediation fails -and there are no guarantees- the case is referred back to the courts. Mediators prefer this not to happen as it's often a long and drawn out process where the possible outcome is that NEITHER party will like the outcome. Mediation gives both parties the chance of getting their needs met.

Thank you Jane .

I think he has called social services about what he has been told and his next move is to try and see if he needs to formalise his access rather than just using his parental responsibility. Just in case it turns nasty. I hope not .

Offline Jane J

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Re: What would you do ?
« Reply #14 on: July 30, 2017, 07:54:PM »
Thank you Jane .

I think he has called social services about what he has been told and his next move is to try and see if he needs to formalise his access rather than just using his parental responsibility. Just in case it turns nasty. I hope not .

I feel for him, Jan. Wish him luck and keep us posted, eh? xx